Writer Extraordinaire

30th May 2013

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Breaking of the Silent Assassin

It’s been pretty interesting how my thoughts have wanted to come & go without my personal permission. Lately, I’ve been so caught up in my personal routine that it’s been nothing short of an adjustment. I’ve been able to be myself with someone who FINALLY gets me. With some people, I feel like I was going out of my way to explain myself on the things that don’t involve as much explanation. I’ve said & felt certain things, but for once I think I actually got this one right. She’s comfortable & actually is willing to let me be me. Not many females are good at doing this, because they’re trying so hard to make an individual be someone or something they’re not. That’s nowhere near close to the norm. There’s no need in putting names out there, because the truth will express itself, & she proves how happy she is with me every chance she gets. Sanity has been second nature since being with her. We have made nothing official, but it may as well be based on how well we coincide with each other. She has this odd spell that I practically get puled in by without even realizing it. The amazing part of it is that our feelings are mutual. One thing I think about is how we can listen to music or talk about a song, & it causes us to see who can get the other person to expand their musical & mental library. I’m frequently learning every chance I get. Ok, so I’ve broken my silence just a little, but those who are close to me know the full scoop. What I will say, however, is that I haven’t been this happy in quite some time. The infamous phrase I’m use to is “What makes her different?” And my immediate response to that is she gets me & isn’t gonna make the process any more difficult than it doesn’t have to be. The emphasis behind this post is that she gets me. I know that may sound redundant, but she really gets me. What I find to be amazing is that she knows how to throw the perfect song to explain how I’m feeling or give me a moment of clarity. There are a lot of songs and references to other songs that hit close to home to get her to understand how much I care for her. I’ve had some ghosts come out of the woods, because they can see that this is a little different, but I won’t change it for the world. There’s a big fish in the sea that I know will “try” to trick it up, but the saltiness of being able to pull it off will be slim to none. That’s just the way I personally look at it. My silent assassin personal or aura hasn’t shown up in over a year, & I plan to put it back in it’s cage. On that note, I would like to close this blog out with the following. Being & feeling hurt can cause you to go through a tough healing process. However, that doesn’t mean that you don’t have to get out there & try again. I’ve had people share that I’m reaching and jumping & pushing for more, when I know that my time & my moment is coming. Well, on second thought, it’s here. It’ll break me out of my shell in a way that I’m not used to. I’ll leave you with these words & dangle this blog, because I know a lot of you are looking for more, but if you need clarity or understanding, read my morning inspiration or see what posts have been exposed along with the fact that her morning musical fixings keep us BOTH going. OK, for real, I’m leaving this time. Enjoy your day/night/life & be on the lookout for Inconsistent Impatience. If you don’t wanna know, then remember, that You’ve Been Warned.

MB signing out

23rd May 2013

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I’d be lying

OK, I’ll disclaim that this is somewhat of a blog that would be a bit personal, but my thoughts must be shared in this one. No need holding punches.

You were on my mind when I never heard from you. I was always willing to see you smile. Not get smiley faces from you through Tagged and recently Kik. I like how a friend of mine asked me what Kik was & in spite of all of the conversations I think I’m having with friends, I enjoy the conversations with you. You’re always making my mind expand when it comes to wondering what it would be like to have someone I can joke with, listen to music with, game with, spend time with. I recently thought I found it, but in Kevin Hart’s voice, they wasn’t ready. I was wanting them to be ready. I had to accept that the past won’t change the present. You meet people for a reason. I feel this person that I’ve reconnected with is here for a reason. I’m working harder and harder to break through her wall. It isn’t easy, but I don’t feel the fight is for a bad/poor cause. We have some very intellectual minds. She may be scared of what I am possibly planning to bring, but she doesn’t realize that I’m just as scared to see where things could go. There’s no comparing, there’s no competition. She’s the fitting to my room, the void I’ve been wanting to fill. The settling that I don’t have to do. She’s been a such a piece of me in small/simple ways. I never came to her about any of my relationships woes, because it wasn’t my style with her. We just flowed and vibed. I’d be lying if I didn’t think that she was my true soulmate. I’m just waiting for her to let her guard down & know that I’m here for her and nothing else. I know it’s hard, & I know it isn’t easy. If it was easy, then we’d both be bored. She asked me how bad do I want her. I honestly would walk to her house right now if I could. I would drive to her if she was miles away. I would take a plan to visit her if she was that far. I would send her funny cute things to let her know how much I cared for her. I’d be lying if she isn’t smiling as she’s reading this. It’s just bad because I want to hold her and show her how much she means to me. I want to dubstep until we can’t dubstep no more. I want to jam out while drinking and just smile and joke on life as a whole. I’d like to get our classical fixings and span the globe with music. I’d be lying if she doesn’t understand how much those links she sent me are so important in realizing that I don’t want to rush or force anything. I want it to be and feel right, which we both know is going to come with time and it will naturally come together. I just want to hear on her end how much of a “Uniqueradr” she is. You asked how far am I willing to go with you. Forget the moon & the stars. I want to go to World number 9 on Super Mario Bros. I want to get 60 lives on Contra putting in all the cheat codes possible. I want to be Bill, while you’re Hillary on NBA Jam. I want to give you the power to fly all over the board over the desert on Mario 3. Very few people would even know what I’m talking about. I want you to be able to lay with me while playing on my controller and knowing the madness behind my nerdy tattoo’s & addiction to numbers and music. Few people like some of these things, but you like them all PENNY!!!!! Oh you know I ain’t forget a/b that. I just want to accept you for you & vice versa, which I’ve been waiting the past 30 years to find & come across, & in the words of Mary J, you will take me as I am, because if I don’t do the same w/ you, then I’ll have nothing at all. OK, enough musical references This is my chance to say how I feel, & I wish I presented how I felt years back and we might be on a different “radr”. Hope I answered and shared what I feel w/o being extremely too subliminal, but you get me, so that’s all that matters. Beyond my true friends who have been there through the best & the worst, I hope you’re willing and able to do the same. 

23rd May 2013

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Being Watched

Even when you don’t think no one knows what you’re doing, the truth is that they’re tabbing you better than you’re tracking yourself. I won’t go into any further detail on this topic. However, what I WILL get into is how this transition of my new position (dispatcher) has been a blessing and a humbling experience. When first taking on the position, I didn’t know what to expect. As time progressed, though, I’ve made it my goal to keep my routine & life as simple as possible. That’s been priority number one, & I wouldn’t change it for the world. Since going through this process, it has caused me to work on tasks along the way, such as going back to school, & possibly upgrading/forcing my computer to grow up. I have been in dire need of letting the Windows market go. Last night, one of my friends talked to me, & she was 100% right. I’m a huge Android guy. I can’t change or flip that portion. As far as the computer & true technologies though, I can’t deny or hide that Apple is on their A game. I have had nothing short of fun w/ my iPod the past few weeks. The collection keeps on rising & rising. I haven’t filled up my collection too heavily. It’s something I’m used to. Overall, I must say that life is smooth sailing. I am just writing this blog as a brief way of letting it be known that I’m still being watched. I will keep on being watched as long as I keep writing. I am sending up positive prayers for friends & family. I plan to keep writing and keeping your attention as I send you into the methodical world known as BT. In the meantime, take care everyone, & I’m Audi. 

8th May 2013

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When A Woman’s Fed Up

When a Woman’s Fed Up

Now normally, I can come up with some pretty good titles & creative titles. Usually, I will punch you dead in the jaw with the title of “What A Woman is Going for”. Instead, however, you know I have to throw my keen ear of music into this one & come up with a way to make my brain work overtime by writing this one out while thinking about R. Kelly, when he made a masterpiece called “When A Woman’s Fed Up”. Now, I will go ahead & break down what I wrote, why I asked, & what my answer is, along with the answers of others who I “discussed” this with.

I would like to also add that I personally think a topic like this would be a great topic to have with a bunch of people who are open-minded & willing to be vulnerable while having this discussion. OK, I was having a conversation with someone, & while having the conversation, my mind was going thinking about my past & even immediate relationships. It sparked a question that I’ve asked, but never came out and presented the way I did, until now. To 52 of my female friends (and one of my male friends who had to receive the text lol), I asked the question “What is a woman really looking for when it’s all said & done?” Now, I mentioned to a few people why I asked this question, or what sparked it, but I will go into detail for everyone who isn’t aware of the history behind this “methodical madness” as I am known for calling it. I hear men say that women don’t know what they want, & I am known for hearing women say that men don’t know what they want, so I decided to go out on a limb and go directly to the source & ask women (not girls or kids) what exactly are they looking for. Now, I didn’t detail it, because I kinda wanted to leave it open-ended to make many of my friends think. What the question SHOULD have stated was “What is a woman looking for from their future husband when they’ve officially found the one?” Of course, when you’re writing the first thought that crosses your head, you write an answer, send it, & just wait for your battery to burn out. That’s basically what happened to me last night & part of this morning. I took in a few late entries, & they have all been tallied. I would like to say in advance that everyone who responded or took time to write back, your thoughts are appreciated. I had a few people who were putting more thought into the question, but that’s expected when it’s Bryan writing, because the first thing that comes up is “why are you wanting to know this” or “what do you think women are looking for”. 

Oh, & to set the record straight, I know that one specific woman can’t speak for all women. However, that doesn’t mean the woman who receives the text don’t know what they’re looking for from their companion. Just needed to get that off my chest. Now, before I give the answers of everyone else, I will give the answer that I have along with the answer that my only male friend gave to this question. I won’t put his business in the street, but if he reads this, he will know that it’s just for him. His answer, as I stall to give my own personal answer, was stability. I don’t care who you are, male or female, stability is VERY VERY important in a relation with the opposite sex. As far a woman, however, she is certainly keeping her guard to see if the man she’s with is stable and able to take care of business to take care of home while not doing anything illegally. OK, here it is. I’ve built up the anticipation of this question, so now it’s time for me to answer my own question. And again, if you read this on Facebook or my personal blog & you didn’t receive a text from me, please hold it to my head & not my heart. Anyway’s, when it comes to a woman looking or searching for their husband, the most important thing she’s going for is someone she can confide in on a level better than she can with her own girlfriends, or even those platonic male friends. And listen, once & for all, you can be friends with someone of the opposite sex & there be no type of mixed feelings or uncertainties. Sometimes, people expose their insecurities in those situations & they’re not even in the middle of it. They’re on the outside looking in. I had to share that. Anyway’s, as stated, a woman wants that partner they can confide in. She can tell that person her deepest darkest secrets knowing that her mate won’t judge her because of them. The added bonus is that you get a decent dosage of cuddling and intimacy time where allowed & available. Now, of course, it rarely hits that you can get to do this around the clock as far as the intimacy & cuddling & quality time. Having said that, when it comes, you’d better take advantage of that while not finding it as a point to sabotage or be reckless in the process of getting to know and be one with your partner. Something I would like to point out, & I need women to really hear me out on what I’m about to say. When a guy first meets you, he wants to build up that connection with you like those friends he’s eventually going to meet, as well as the male friends who know what you do before you even do it. If you shut the door or slam it in his face before he has a chance to see that, then it makes the process of growing and building that much harder. So, again, as I stated, that’s why that confiding in one another while utilizing the chill time to see where each other’s head is will tell you if he’s a husband or just a moment for the hit it & quit. And yes, I said that just like I meant it (along with me being able to find a better analogy).

OK, now ladies, you submitted so many responses to this question, that I literally had to go back through my phone, type them all up on my computer & then go back and make sure they were separated so that I can see which constants stand out along with some unique things that a woman (or these women) are looking for in a man, or their partner. OK, let’s get it started. One answer that stands out is that the ultimate goal is wife. That for me was the mic drop and the deciding factor to closing out the blog. The rest of the comments don’t even need to be posted. Now you know I’m not gonna do that. Someone said that a woman wants a man to treat her like a lady. That’s an important component if you ask me. One word I heard in a fair amount of was the word love. Now, I will admit that reading a dictionary & seeing what the meaning of love is will confuse the crap out of you. The truth is that everyone’s definition of love varies. What’s even worse is that love for some people is being cared & treated like a queen or a king, while others will think that it’s being hit upside your head. I did see communication come up as an option, & I thought that was a GREAT component, because one thing is that we tell people what we want them to hear, but we don’t say the things that matter and make the biggest impact. In doing this, thoughts get muffled and lost in transition when you think about it. I’ve seen this on multiple occasions. Now, a few of my wild side children wanted to share how they’re looking for that freaky wild side of a man. I will tell you right now, it’s there. Some have it & it naturally comes with the territory, while others you have to ease it out of them (pause) and just naturally see what comes with the territory. I noticed a Mary J. Blige reference came into play about being happy, & I must say that happiness is quite an important component in my personal opinion. Connection was something that stood out from a lot of responses too. Now one of my friends knew me on a personal level & pointed out how women want a man w/ a clean record & no type of drama or baggage from the past. I Can highly agree with that. Now here’s a good one…security. A woman LOVES feeling & being secure. This shows that he is going to do whatever he has to in order to be sure that she has a safe sane place to consider as home. I received the response of security & honesty. Now, I see one of my favorite words…COMPROMISE. I don’t know about you, but this is a word that I love to chew on, because not everyone either knows how to do this, or they just don’t understand that compromising has to be mutual. I think it’s amazing that people ask for this, but both parties don’t provide it & for the life, I don’t understand that one bit. Anyway’s, that’s a topic that I won’t work my brain too heavily on. I have plenty of blogging opportunities to get into that one. A God fearing lifelong partner. I definitely have heard people go that route. Someone to compliment based on what the woman is lacking. You want that person that fits into your mold or routine, because if they are overwhelming or too much for what you’re bringing, then yes it can be too much. And finally, chemistry & intimacy. What I will say to this is that you have to know how to provide chemistry, & I think chemistry comes from being around someone and building with that person. That’s why you have to sometimes be cautious about how much you invite someone in, because some will have a tendency to use it against you.

Again, thank you to everyone who has submitted their views & thoughts on this topic. I know that it seemed like I was being nosey or asking a tall order, but the truth is that I Wanted to see where everyone’s head was, along with learn myself what I’m really going for. So, now to go back to the title, when a woman’s fed up. Like R. Kelly said, when she’s at that point, there ain’t nothing you can do about it. All of the roses & flowers & cards & candies & I’m sorry’s won’t attract or draw her attention. Many times, it might not even be you men. It could be that she’s carrying a little weight & a lot of thoughts on her mind, so take that into account as well. You’re sometimes forced to just learn the hard way to leave well enough alone. And as I stated in the previous sentence, I’m going to leave well enough alone with this blog. I hope you all have enjoyed reading this as I have writing it. 

So, what have I learned? I forgot that part. Me & my big mouth, but it’s important. No, I’m not gonna say the obvious infamous most people have known me to say that women don’t know what they want. I think that all women want different things, but some things are pretty constant. They want to feel loved & like they’re the one & only. As long as there isn’t a spades game going where there’s a possible to compete with, then everything is good. I could be wrong, but that’s a large basis of it. So fellas, make your woman or any woman you meet number. Think of it like your mother (that you love dearly with all of your heart). Making that true woman your first & last is going to take time, & trust me, speaking from experience, rushing that doesn’t make it any more valuable. It just loses value more than it helps cause the process to flow any easier. I leave you with those thoughts & plan to continue in some avenue or venture with this writing flow as this dubstep takes over my life. In the meantime, brytay82 aka the Mad Blogga aka the Underground Poet aka Somethin’ for the People signing off. Until next time…YBW!!!!